I’ve tried to write this post a thousand different ways, but I’ve deleted every version. Nothing feels adequate to say what I want to say, which is, in part, to recognize the extraordinary strength and bravery of my daughter in law, the resilience and kindness of my son, the endless meals and rides and infinite generosity of family, friends, and neighbors. Recently my son told me that they had just received a special meal from people they don’t know at all, friends of friends who had heard their story (#cancerandababy) and wanted to help.
There have been weeks when my daughter in law wanted only white food, or only juice, or only chicken, or anything but chicken. There have been times when she didn’t know if she could eat something until she was actually seated at the table with the spoon in her hand. There have been times when she ate lying down, or could not bear the thought of eating despite her best intentions. I know that sleep has been her super power, and I hope that these times of rest have spared her, even if just a little bit, from some of the side effects of the chemo.
I know these are the stories of many chemo patients, but they are no longer stories to my children. They are a part of the fabric of this year’s experience.
We are so profoundly grateful for the gift of our grandson Adar, four months this week, for his milestones and smiles and for the tremendous joy he has brought to all of us, his parents most of all. There is nothing like a hungry, sleepy infant to remind you of your purpose.
I am not going to lie: it has been hard to keep a brave face and to keep writing these blogposts every week as if I have nothing more to think about than what I want to eat. And my reliability has been a good deal more spotty than at any other time in the history of this blog. But here we are.
I pray to God that after this year my children and my children’s children are privileged to live long, healthy, unremarkable lives.
Finally, I am grateful to all of you for allowing me to share my posts with you, and that goes double for the ones I’ve posted this year. The light in me honors the light in you, namaste.
Beautifully written ~ you waited for the right words. Nothing can diminish the awful truth of cancer or the still Draconian treatment. Just know there are survivors and thrivers! We are everywhere to lift up those in the middle of their arduous journey, to show them the light they cannot yet see.
thank you so much for saying this
it means a lot to me that you took the time to let me know that you understand
to everyone who posted a comment, your words are so meaningful and i am so grateful
i will pass along your sentiments to my family
r
I am so very sorry to hear of what your family has been going through. But I do love hearing of kind hearts coming together and aiding her and your son!
I will be praying for God to perform a miracle and for his strength and love to cover you all!
thank you so much for caring and for sharing your words with me
i deeply appreciate your lovingkindness
r
God bless you and your family! May you feel the strength we send to you through the universe❤️
thank you so much
i know it is true and i thank you very very much
r
Oh, Roxanne,
Well do I know both sides of this experience as both a survivor and mother of a survivor. My heart holds yours, and I will pray for all of you as you travel this painful path to a happy ending. I remember my oncologist telling me that one day chemo will seem barbaric, but until then, we stand alongside our patients and pray for that day. I love you, my friend.
omg i had no idea
i am so glad to know that you are well and able to share your words with me
barbaric indeed
we are praying praying praying, and i am so glad that you are too
the years and miles are many, but the connection remains 🙂
hugs r
I will be praying for your daughter-in-law and her family. So sorry that she is going through this. Please let her know that there are many people who care.
thank you so much
i’m really grateful
i will i will R
Praying daily for a Refuah shleima for Chana Gabriella bas Esther Rivkah!
May she absorb all the love and support being given, and use the energy to get through!
It is what helped me #survivor #mammogramssavelives
#lovingsupport
thank you so much hinda
i really appreciate that you took time to share your own hard earned wisdom
and i will pass along what you’ve shared here xoxo R
Blessings to your previous grandson, his valiant Mother, being tested as no mother should. Prayers for her increased ability to absorb nutrition, continued supports, best care team, strength to your son, the dear Dad & to you as everyone close figures out how best to lift them up. It’s huge that you write of her health as most of us on our cancer journeys have not encountered this. I’m hoping the various cancer support groups begin to carve out time & staff to offer unique Moms with Newborns educated gentle outreach. Prayers & embraces.
thank you so much for your support and your kind words
it means a lot to me
R