Today we’re talking about diets. To diet is to restrict oneself, to deny oneself pleasure. Well that sounds kind of miserable. No wonder diets don’t work. Who would want to do something that makes you feel bad?

Dieting is a logical consequence of the assumption that overweight is due to overindulgence. But there is a fault — a big, fat one — within this assumption: If it were true that overindulgence were the cause of overweight, then denial would be an effective and viable option for losing weight. But it is not, of course, which is why you have probably noticed that diets virtually never work.

People use the term “to lose weight”  as if they themselves were the ones lowering the number. turning the knob, clicking the button, spinning the dial. But weight loss is not like roulette; and the number on the scale is not something you actually get to choose.

Instead, what you weigh is a reflection. It’s a reflection of the sum total of the choices you make, or that are being made for you. Choices about food (eating patterns), movement (activity patterns), bedtime or managing stress (rest and relaxation patterns). How about if people started saying that they “reflected” 150 pounds instead of “weighed” 150 pounds? Might that be a helpful strategy? Let’s think about it.

You do have control over lots of things, like whether you choose to eat a bowl filled with Cap’n Crunch Candy in the morning, or leftovers from dinner, or a sweet potato with peanut butter. Or whether you wear a pedometer. But you don’t get to decide how much to weigh today. Or any day. 

Whenever a strategy doesn’t work to achieve its intended outcome, that usually means it’s time to go back and reexamine the underlying, fundamental assumptions: The question is this: Is overweight really due to overindulgence? And the answer is no, it is not. Then what causes obesity? Obesity is a state of malnutrition. Improve the nutritional value of the food you eat, and your clothes will start to fit better. Why do some obese people eat such large portions, then? And why are they always so hungry? Because they’re starving. The solution to malnutrition is not to diet and deny oneself further; the solution is to eat. But not just any old thing that fits in your mouth.

The solution to malnutrition is not denial. That would just make things worse. And so it does. The solution to malnutrition is not to eat less. It’s to eat more. But not just any highly processed low-quality edible. I’m referring specifically to eating more of the kinds of food that nourish you.

Eating is meant to be a joy, as satisfying as the sunrise. Trading backrubs. Listening to music. Talking with friends, or sitting together on a bench at the park. The wind at your back. Dancing. Stretching. A hot shower. A book that transports you to the other side of the universe. Walking on the shore. Eating is deeply satisfying. It speaks to your soul. It’s the polar opposite of punishment. Eating is sour, sweet, bitter, spicy, umami. Crunchy, soft, toothy, smooth, sticky. Beautiful, colorful, warm, cool, icy, bubbly. Expressive, imaginative. Fun, chaotic, quiet, or peaceful.

Want to reflect a lower weight? Fill your soup pot with any of the dozens of recipes on these blog pages. Set it on a low heat, and let it cook all day. Then enjoy it slowly, slowly, slowly. Taste the ingredients and take in the temperature. Look at the faces of those with whom you share it, and feel the satisfaction of having made it yourself. This is what it means to nourish yourself.